Top Ten – 20 New Definitions

20 New Definitions

(Originally published in Inform Magazine, April 2003)

Salvage – Thrush cream
Snowboard – How one feels when a friend is describing their holiday in St. Moritz
Modern – A tea dispenser with a target painted on it
Koala – An Islamic soft drink
Part – A fart that stops before completion
Weekend – Irritable bowel syndrome
Mersey – Thank you
Authorise – To mercifully terminate writers
Pseudopod – A pretentious flower seed
Layman – The man on the street who sits on the couch all day (huh?)
Statutory – The obligation to decapitate Margaret Thatcher
Return – Addressing the matter of a fish
Kenya – A Scottish request
Solar – A Liverpudlian attempt to resume a conversation
Puritan – All-over orange
Fatuity – An annual stipend paid to the overweight
Brief – A tiny reef
Committee – To literally murder a cup of tea
Defenestrate – To remove a Norfolk protester
Coma – The legal term for lesbian parents


About klausjoynson
I'm a writer, editor, musician, DJ and cartoonist. Contact me at: klausjoynson(at) or follow me on Twitter: @KlausJoynson

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