Article – People of the Year 2004

Sleaze and More Sleaze

(Originally published in Inform Magazine, January 2005)

1. Kerry McFadden

It’s been a great year for young girls of Scouse extraction with no fixed talent. Jennifer Ellison won that cooking show whilst the former Ms. Katona, once of the now defunct Atomic Kitten, won that jungle show before dominating every tittle-tattle sheet for the rest of the year.

2. Lord Justice Hutton

The Hutton Inquiry provided lots of insight into the stupidity of government; the Hutton REPORT seemingly came from another planet and just beat the crap out of the BBC. So many people were disgusted it might just lose Tony Blair the next election.

3. Wayne Rooney

Rollercoaster doesn’t describe it. He played a blinder during Euro 2004, got ‘controversially’ signed by Manchester United seemingly so his agent could make a return on his investment, and slept with a prozzy three times his age. And the best could be yet to come.

4. David Blunkett

Old skool political sleaze resurfaced with this unlikely studmuffin proving that power must be an aphrodisiac. No Tory standing by your man here, though, as the spectre of the women scorned makes you almost feel sorry for the poor bastard. Almost.

5. Adrian Mutu

Footballers take drugs!? I absolutely refuse to believe it! All my preconceptions have been destroyed and we did land on the moon and JFK was shot by Lee Harvey Oswald and Justin Hawkins really did sing that line better than Bono.

6. Pete Doherty

Musicians take drugs!? Not exactly a revelation is it? Whether breaking into his mate’s house or touring with the blatantly rubbish Babyshambles, nobody could get enough of this pathetic creature. Forget talent, it’s a habit you need.

7. Boris Johnson

Buffooned his way through an interesting year of the familiar Tory shenanigans involving an affair with fellow journo Petronella Wyatt, as well as the whole absurd farrago of his ‘apologetic’ visit to Liverpool.

8. Michael Moore

Rush-released the absurdly one-sided Fahrenheit 9/11, which made lots of money but failed to do its real job of getting rid of George Bush. Someone should tell him that Americans really don’t like being told what to do.

9. Yasser Arafat

The sheer scale of his fortune, revealed after his death, stunned just about everyone. You would have thought he could have done a little more to ease his people’s suffering, but they liked him all the same.

10. David ‘Helicopter’ Henshaw

Knocking Mike Storey out of his traditional position on this list is Liverpool City Council’s chief executive who presided over the Fourth Grace fiasco. Nicknamed ‘Helicopter’ because he likes to ride in the police chopper. Bless.

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About klausjoynson
I'm a writer, editor, musician, DJ and cartoonist. Contact me at: klausjoynson(at)gmail.com or follow me on Twitter: @KlausJoynson

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